Lots of waiting and waiting...and then while I was leaving Target on a last minute errand, my phone started ringing. I was sure it was Paul, asking me to grab one last thought from the store, but instead I see our foster agency's number flashing at me. WAS THIS THE CALL!!!? I answered, jumped in the car, searched for a pen and wrote every detail on the back of my fresh receipt. A 2 1/2 year old boy, adoptable, parents rights terminating in January, a preemie, doing great developmentally....It was THE CALL.
I had to talk it over with Paul and the kids and so I rushed home, eager to tell Paul and call my social worker back with a yes!!! I found my family in the kitchen and explained that I got THE CALL. I spewed out the details and of course the answer was yes. We then realized that Jackson had disappeared....he was in the front yard pacing and chatting into the air. Opening the window, we asked him what he was doing...my sweet Spirit filled boy's response, "I'm praying about this!!!!".....right, right. Praying first. Praying first......a quick prayer of thanks and I was on the phone to say, "YES!". Calls to friends who have supported us, calls to my family...it was happening. The waiting was over....just as I had started to think it would take a longER time.
Burdened...the next few days I could not shake the excitement, or the burden. I was so burdened for this little boy's mom. His mommy. She was still visiting him and yet her rights were going to be taken? Her rights? Her right to love her son forever? Her right to see him grow up? Why me Lord? Praying for HER became my constant. I focused more on her than on the little boy. The Spirit was guiding my heart in the right direction and I realized that this journey is not only about US. It's about the other side of the equation. The parents who are losing their kids. The ones who will grieve while I rejoice. Burdened.
A few days later I got the call that the little boy would not be ours. His MOM was trying really hard to get her life together and get him back. Although the thought of our journey ending before it began brought tears...more than I expected really, the Spirit of the Lord had already prepared my heart for this outcome. I was overjoyed for his mom. She is trying and I will pray for her.
A few days later, while at my Beth Moore --amazing awesome incredible--bible study the phone vibrated....it was my agency. My social worker was calling to tell me we were officially released from our match with the little boy.......AND that she had just got a call about a little 11 month old girl who needed a foster home. She made sure I knew it was FOSTER more than adopt. "Call Paul and call me back".....my heart was again burdened. PRAY FIRST jumped into my mind...so I grabbed my dear friend Cara, who has been one of my faithful friends in this journey, happened to be in the lobby and we prayed. I couldn't pray words, she did. I called Paul and we talked about our motives....were we set on what WE wanted or what God wants?? We had just experienced the joy of finding out we would have a forever son, and then the loss.....who is in control of our desire to care for a little one?.....Yes, the answer was clearly yes. In a daze I rushed home, called Tina, she came, we cleaned my house, went to Target, arranged sitters for my kiddos, prayed, waited until...that evening Tina and I picked little D up. A ball of smiles and cute boots greeted us. She has brought me joy. She is a great addition to our family, although she is not ours. She is going to live with her grandma soon. She is already visiting her family for long periods of time on the weekends. She is our baby part of the week and then she is with who has loved her since she was born. HER FAMILY.
Once again, this is not about us, but about them. They have expressed that they have so much peace knowing she is with us. We have met and chatted and feel confident she is loved. They know she is loved for this time. People make mistakes, people need to be loved. I have chosen to love them by taking care of and loving little D (and it's not hard to do!!!) God writes our stories....God will write D's story...we are a small chapter that she may never read. But I know I will pray for her and God will write. AND HE is writing OUR story.
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